I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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