I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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