you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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