i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
