I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize