Joe is yelling at the trees again.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize