I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
