Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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