just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
