Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
