we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
