Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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