I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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