I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
