wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
