dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
