I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
