Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
