Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
