What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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