so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
only you would photoshop your dick
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
