some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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