mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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