She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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