just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
