Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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