I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
