dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
