If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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