Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
