Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
