I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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