i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
