she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
