just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
