somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
