Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
