Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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