Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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