so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We left the knife in your bed.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
