i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize