I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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