I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize