That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
