I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
