I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
