There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
