before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
