I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
