two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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