I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
