thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
