No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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