i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
