I got chris browned last night
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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