Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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