there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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