drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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