And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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