I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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