Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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