You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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