If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This is my gift to your gina
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
