I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
