remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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