I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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