So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
