SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
