I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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