Someone shit on the floor
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize