Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
