youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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