Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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